But it doesn’t.
But it doesn’t.
The problem with cards these days is there just isn’t a lot of selection. There are 9999 cards for birthdays then only ONE card that said, basically, “goodbye from all of us” and that is the one you see here. It’s not that it’s a bad card. In fact it’s rather good in just that perfectly messed up way that my friends would like.
However, the person for whom this card was being purchased probably wouldn’t find it funny (even considering she occasionally wore her makeup similar to the guy in the top right corner). But there just wasn’t a card for all occasions, or one that said, “You were the crazy old lady on our block who swept leaves all day, who would sometimes go through my neighbor’s mail and, often, rearrange people’s recycling. There were some plants in our yards you just really hated so you felt it was your duty to just yank them down and sometimes you took it upon yourself to plant new ones for people too. I even saw you peeking in my window once, you curious little monkey. You were kinda racist and pretty blunt about just about every other topic (all-women-over-30-having-children-are-going-to-get-cancer ring a bell?) so a lot of people didn’t like you. But now that you’re gone, we kind of miss you. Or we don’t. But here’s a card from us.”
Nope, no cards that said that.
So I ponied up $6.95 for a fancy card that was more neutral.
I’m a fan of this. But I didn’t buy it. But I wanted to.
So, I don’t know any Lady Gaga songs. I might hear them on the radio while I’m shopping at the CVS but wouldn’t know who sings them… that is, other than the one that some drag queen did a parody of, called “I Just Shit My Pants”. Someone sent the video to me. Probably my friend Brent but I don’t know who to blame, really.
(And, if you need to watch it… I’m a giver, here it is:)
So, if I was a big Lady Gaga fan, I’d probably need to buy this electric toothbrush that plays Lady Gaga songs. I’m guessing it plays for the amount of time that you should be brushing and when the song stops you can stop but I may be overthinking it.
I thought about buying it just to annoy Michael every morning (and some nights… yeah, whatever) but I couldn’t tell from the package if it played the song that inspired “I Just Shit My Pants” or not. Because wouldn’t it be great if I had a mouth full of toothpaste and was belting that out while Michael showered? Dang, I’d brush every night too, if I could do that.
In the end, sanity prevailed.
A story: Once, and please remember this was LONG ago, I had a toothbrush that would buzz after two minutes to let you know that you had brushed enough. I brushed my teeth once after enjoying some herbal refreshment and 2 minutes was like a million YEARS! So, I can only imagine what a Lady Gaga song would have done. I might have jumped out a window, not sure.
Savings: I forgot to look at the price but I’m sure I saved $SOMETHING.99.